The most frightening thing is the ability to totally break someone else who had the misfortune of caring for me.

She was making a keening noise this morning. Taking a sound we used as a code between us as a 'what' or 'hello' and repeating it. I don't even know if she was aware that she was even doing it.

We don't love with our brains, what a certainty that is. If it were so, she would have run the other way at the sight of me.

I had a dream or vision of the time I did leave - because it was better for her - she was screaming, refusing to let go of me. Begging me for another chance, of what I don't know - perhaps to continue the process of being hurt - we get so addicted to that.

Maybe she thinks like many others do - that there isn't anything better out there. Better this than nothing.

She could do far better then me, obviously.