Found, sort of

Sandy asked, "If a fish were caught in a fresh water lake would it still be considered sea food?"

That was the first thing she said to me at her open apartment door. She often asked questions like that. Seemingly meaningless yet, later, found to be full of incredible insights.

I was still stunned though. Braving this city to find her. Wondering about her all these years.

And here we were.

"Of course it's sea food, a fish is a fish no matter where it got caught."

She smiled and said, "I knew you would say that. Even back then you were the literal minded one."

It's my turn to smile, although I'm not sure exactly why and say, "We are what we are, labels don't matter to the one that's labeled it's always those pesky people that apply the labels that get you into trouble."

"Oh that's where you are oh so wrong, labels are the only thing that does matter. They define us. Where would we be without them?"

I still smile, it's as if we were suddenly back in our little camp site in the rain, talking. Strange how the years hadn't touched her. The eyes were still the same as well as the personality. The spark was still there and so big that we were both afraid of it. That electric gap between us seemed at times to be bigger than the both of us. It both enclosed and separated us.

"If you try to define yourself through what others say and think you've already lost yourself. You might as well be the perfect son slash daughter, wife slash husband."

She opened the door then. "I don't know if I like the over use of the word 'slash' but its good to see you again."

I had forgotten for a moment that she had been a teacher and language was always a touchy subject. One I used to tease her about it as English is a very poorly put together language.

We sat down to coffee in the quiet apartment. I still held the stone in my hand, unsure if I should show it to her. I was worried she might think the worst of me for holding on to something for so long.

"Short summary, married then divorced. Married again and divorced sooner. Now I try not to inflict myself on others."

I sense the challenge in her eyes then. Suddenly all the years fade away like some bad dream. For the first time I feel the crush of regret at not pursuing her then.

"I was married for 18 years and suddenly it was over and in the midst of that wreckage I find this stone and I thought of you and what we had. I have to know if I made a horrible mistake then and if there is still some time for us."

Sandy looked at the stone for moment, lost in her won thoughts. "I don't know what would have happened. Maybe we could have made it. As for now, I'm a broken thing, a bird with two broken wings.

"I want to get out of here though. I'm tired of labels and false dreams. I'm sick of twisting around in garbage every day to try and fill out some plan that someone else made for me.

"I want something for me." She hissed these last words.

"I've got nothing but the clothes on my back and this bag and a stone. It's enough I think. It's all I want."

"Let's go then, tonight. I'm not going to sleep with you though, at least for a while."

I laughed at this, "I wouldn't want to ruin a forgotten memory, Sandy. But can I tell you I love you? Would that mess this up?"

"How do you know this isn't a rebound thing? You might just as easily love the first person you met after the divorce."

"Well the doorman was kinda cute but not my type."

"He is a looker, Bet they were saying that back in world war two though.

"Here, help me pack."